Dear Single Friend
Is it just me or is everybody getting married? It's not a lie when I say almost every single one of my friends is married; anybody else in the same boat as me? Every Saturday from March-June was packed with a wedding, bridal shower, bachelorette weekend or dress fitting. Now that everybody is hitched or on their way to tying the knot, so begins a new season of life: the life of the single friend.
I love every one of my friends. I loved being apart of their special day in some way, whether it was as a guest or standing by their side. Each dear friend had such a different wedding, uniquely perfect for each woman. They say that after you get married everything changes. I know what they mean now. It's kind of like when you graduate high school and college; you say you're going to stay just as close as you were back in school...but inevitably life changes in different ways and things have to change..because that is life. If life stayed the same forever it would get boring and stagnant. They move. You gain new friends. They have to worry about in-laws. You worry about keeping your dog alive. They join a couples bible study and you're in a women's study group: these things aren't right or wrong, they're just the inevitable ticks of life that happen when people get married and you're still single.
That doesn't mean they love you any less. It doesn't mean you're not as good of a friend. It doesn't mean that you can't still find time to hang out with your friend. It means that you are both evolving, maturing and growing in your walk and in your friendship.
Being the single friend in a sea of married friends has been a tough lesson in offense. I've had to learn to not be offended. My friendships used to be a priority, and now they're not. Our coffee dates used to be a priority, and now they're not. I can't lie and say I've never been offended by a friend who suddenly goes MIA and completely checks out of my life. I constantly feel like I'm putting in 99.9% of the effort in most of my married friendships. I call and text and try to schedule times to meet only to be met by silence and "I'll check my schedule" texts. It takes two to make a relationship work and I get so frustrated when it constantly feels like a one-sided affair. However in my annoyance and offense, God reminds me of a little lesson: grace.
I'm learning to have grace with my friends. I'm learning to have grace when a friend doesn't text me back for five days about getting together for dinner. I have to have grace when they cancel on me last minute because their husband is sick. I'm learning to have grace because I need grace.
However to my married friends out there, don't forget about us. Yes, your priorities have changed and you may not have as much disposable time or income, but you still need us. You still need your girl time over a cup of coffee or glass of wine. You still need your mini getaways to invest in your friendships. You still need relationships outside of your marriage because God created us to be in community with one another. So don't forget about us. Don't neglect us forever, because by the time you realize that you've neglected us... we may have already moved on and checked out.
So for those of you out there in this new season of life, the life of the single friend, don't stop reaching out to your married friends. Don't be offended by their new priorities. Love the moments you do get to spend with them. Rejoice with them at their wedding. Pray for them when they struggle and forget why they took those vows. Don't be afraid to venture out and meet new friends. But always know who your true and deepest friends are and continue to pour into those friendships.
You make time for the things you value. If you value a relationship, invest it in.